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I don't want your life

The only thing standing in my way right now is myself.
I just have to take more action and do it quicker.

I've been thinking about how to deal with my family.
It's not really a healthy environment for me to be around
and I dread holidays pretty much year-round.
I've talked to multiple therapists about it but the anxiety
still hasn't gone away. It wouldn't be great to stop
talking to them but I do think I'd feel a lot of freedom.
They want everyone around them to feel more stupid than them.
I guess I should just refuse to feel stupid or judged.
Even if they judge that doesn't mean it has to bother me.
They all act like they have some type of weird authority.
But they don't...
Unfortunately it's just up to me to deal with it, telling
them is just going to make them mad because of their egos.

My friends and I are working on a music video shoot.
I've got mixed feelings, because I really want it to happen
but I always act super weird when I make vide…

We could start a religion & get rich :)

Grant Cardone wrote a book called The 10X Rule.
I read it this week & found it inspiring.
He says to make my goals 10 times bigger than what I thought I could achieve. 
Otherwise I'm cheating myself and society.
There was a ton of great info in it, although he advises to do the opposite of what I often feel I should do because of my fluctuating moods. He says don't take it easy. Just go, go, go. Don't think. I know I need to do less thinking & more doing, that's for sure.
Googling for more info on Grant Cardone led me to the discovery that he's a Scientologist.
Which of course piqued my interest. I read up today on Scientology. What a weird thing man.
Lots of alarm bells go off, but the principles seem to have really helped Grant Cardone.
He didn't mention it at all in The 10X Rule, which I take as a good sign. 
Pretty interesting.

In my research on Scientology, the most insightful perspective I found was from an ex member who had been in the church for decades. She went through all the levels of training and spiritual discovery. It's definitely eye-opening. She explains their overarching beliefs - stuff that's hidden from you when you're in the lower levels of auditing. Stuff that's not on the official Scientology website. You learn it as you pass through the levels. By the time she gets to the big hidden secret, you're like wow this is truly crazy. 


Once people realize it's bogus, they leave and get harassed. Really creepy stuff.

Nooooo, thank you!

I guess I'll keep reading Grant Cardone & try not to remember that he's an Operating Thetan.

Got me thinking though...should I start my own religion? 

I read up on the founder, L. Ron Hubbard...what a manipulative, deceitful dude. 
There's a lot to be learned about the power of influence from these strange, strange people.

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I don't want your life

The only thing standing in my way right now is myself.
I just have to take more action and do it quicker.

I've been thinking about how to deal with my family.
It's not really a healthy environment for me to be around
and I dread holidays pretty much year-round.
I've talked to multiple therapists about it but the anxiety
still hasn't gone away. It wouldn't be great to stop
talking to them but I do think I'd feel a lot of freedom.
They want everyone around them to feel more stupid than them.
I guess I should just refuse to feel stupid or judged.
Even if they judge that doesn't mean it has to bother me.
They all act like they have some type of weird authority.
But they don't...
Unfortunately it's just up to me to deal with it, telling
them is just going to make them mad because of their egos.

My friends and I are working on a music video shoot.
I've got mixed feelings, because I really want it to happen
but I always act super weird when I make vide…

Sit tight

I just came home from my therapy session. She pretty much echoed what my 2013 therapist said when I brought up possible bpd. That regardless of a diagnosis, we'd still be working through my childhood and the roots of my intrusive feelings/anxiety.

I asked about DBT. She said that most of the people she knows who do DBT work with crisis patients who need serious, urgent help. That's not what I read when I was looking for psychologists who do DBT. So I'm not sure what to do about that - to keep considering it or not.

I do still believe I have some very serious issues that fly out of nowhere. Or that seem to fly out of nowhere. The random flashes of rage when I'm dating someone is one of the most obvious situations where that happens. I'm not sure what else to do other than keep researching, or just sit tight and avoid some stressful situations that trigger some of my worst and unwanted feelings.

I had a conference call yesterday with my mentor. He's a real go-get…