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Showing posts from October, 2018

Let's band together

I posted a Craigslist ad to start a 3-piece band.
Not that I'm fulfilling my current obligations that well...
Rehearsing when you're exhausted isn't fun.
But sitting at home wishing to be performing isn't fun either.
I don't want to do my day job for my whole life.
I came to this city to be an artist.
I guess I feel bad for goofing off.
I'm supposed to be studying for a big test for my serious career that I've decided I'm not going to have anymore.
I hope some cool people want to be in my band.
I've got way more questions than answers, but I think that's a good thing.

Marginal improvements

My online mentors all have some version of this advice: improve a little bit, each day.
Have you heard the idea about improving by just 1% every day?
I'm not sure how to measure and track progress for it, but I had an idea last week.
Just shoot for 10 minutes a day on each of the things I know I need to do every day.
So far today I've spent way more than 10 minutes on some of the things. 
Just as long as I can get 10 minutes in on everything. 
The hardest part for me is the mindset.  The hope is that I'll spend way more than 10 minutes because I need to put in quality time on my goals. But I can't spend 1-2 hours on everything every day. 10 minutes is still forward progress - I try to remind myself that "slow motion is better than no motion."
One of my mentors always says: we're not trying to build a skyscraper over night.  Just build brick by brick and eventually there'll be a skyscraper.  It's a Japanese improvement concept called kaizen - impr…

Why So Serious

I had an epiphany.

One that I've had before.

Maybe it's kicked in harder this week.

It is this...I'm going to ruin everything if I don't chill the eff out.

All the stupid things I get so worked up about.

I get worked up about the fact that I'm alive and awake.

So it's like, come on buddy let's just smile a little more or something.

Somebody got annoyed with me because I was stuck on some little details.

And I said to myself: self. You're going to ruin this if you keep doing this.

Why take people and little moments so seriously? They're not going to matter soon, if they even matter now. People and situations are incredibly ridiculous and I've realized this for a long time. It's part of the reason why I make fun of people.

Now go have fun and do you, bro.

No doubt I'll be back to my wicked ways soon, fighting all the conflict in my brain. But I gotta try!

I found this article really helpful on the art of not taking life so seriously: http…

Love is to be shared

Today was a much better day.
I went out for a walk during my work break for the first time in at least a week.
I make a solid effort to get sunlight every day since it's great for your brain, but ironically I can be too depressed to go out sometimes.
Last night I talked on the phone with my special person and we made up.
So we're back on! Yay!! I hadn't been feeling it last week but I feel much closer now that we talked through it.
It's funny to feel the insecurity just about the conversation from last night.
I've thought back to some things I said and think oh no, did I say something there I shouldn't have? Was I implying something? The overthinking got both of us into the bad situation where we almost ended it. So I'm just trying to move on.
I know she thinks I'm a great person, and I really strive to be good, but I can't help but think of how I've mistreated others in the past. I feel like a fraud basically, like here she thinks I'm a per…